What I Wish I Could Tell You

You just furthered the irony last night.
Do you see “alternate” on my forehead too?
We only talk more when we’re in the same state.
We both travel back and forth between Virginia and our other lives but somehow never see each other.
We’re all talk but no action.
If either one of us really wanted to see the other we wouldn’t be those people who go “yeah, let’s hang out. call me!”
We would just do it.
There’s something there.
Something that makes us crawl back towards each other.
Our past? The thoughts of what we could have been?
It doesn’t help that I still think you’re adorable as ever, but I’ll never admit it to you.
I still have the gift I bought you over a year ago too.
Maybe i’ll send it as a birthday gift, from a “friend” and nothing more.
We (are?) (were?) two lonely people just looking to be lonely together.

Sincerely,
Me

Do I have the word “alternate” on my forehead?
Do you really think I’ve been waiting around and will drop everything for you?
Yeah you’re a charmer and a sweet talker, but after the last time I saw you you’re just an asshole.
I don’t think there’s any way you can try and win back a slot in my life.

Sincerely,
Me

I think you’re asleep.
Or I hope that you’re asleep and not ignoring me.
Like a dog that hears a doorbell, I instantly perk up when I hear a text message alert.
I then keep looking to find that it isn’t you.
I don’t care if somehow this makes me appear weak in any way, but I miss you.
I don’t know which would be harder to hear, to hear no answer from you at all? Or to hear an answer and not have it be “I miss you too.”
I guess I’ll never know.
Is this me giving up?
Is this me letting go?
I really don’t know.

If you read this and are so inclined to talk to me, you know how to reach me.

Goodnight.

Sincerely,
Me

Get out.
Get out.
Get out of my mind.

I’ve tried to stow you away in a box and put you in the attic of my mind.
I’ve tried to forget about it.
Letting it collect cobwebs and dust in the corner of the shelf.
But just when I think it is all okay something drives me to crack open the lid.
But no, I mustn’t.
I can’t allow myself to.

Is it this hard for you?

Sincerely,
Me

You’ve used your sleuthing skills.

You’ve found me.

Are you sure you want to follow this?

Sincerely,
Me

I’ve noticed that we have the same smoke schedule.

Say hi next time?

Sincerely,
Me

I can’t wait to see you when I go home to Virginia.

You have absolutely no idea.

Sincerely,
Me

As much as I’d like to, I can’t get you out of my mind.
The smallest things remind me of you.
That’s when you know it is bad.
When a simple word, phrase, or even just a sound reminds you of another person.
This is that falling out/transitioning stage I suppose.
This is going to take a while…

Sincerely,
Me

Dear Reader,

This is where I will write all of the things I wish I could tell you.

and you.

and you.

I will write my thoughts here to put them out into the universe instead of keeping them locked up in the attic of my mind.

Sincerely,
Me